You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
