I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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