"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
