people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
