her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
