it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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