Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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