I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
