I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
