i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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