Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
