you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
