saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize