Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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