I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize