I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
