your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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