Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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