Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
