Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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