Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
