i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
