my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
