dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize