Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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