dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
