Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
