I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
