Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
