did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
