My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
