one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
