If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
