i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wish there were birth control emojis
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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