Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
