Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
