I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize