My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
