Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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