no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
