so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
