I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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