He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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