I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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