I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
