I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
