video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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