Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
