So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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