You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
