Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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