Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
