Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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