She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
