Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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