is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
