i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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