oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
only if we run a train.
done.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
