oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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