On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
