ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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