I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
