Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
