come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
