He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
