That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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