you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
